I want to lead with a warning that this will be a ‘stream of consciousness’ type of post where I share all my half-baked thoughts and ideas in real time.
Inspired by this post by Yrsa Daley-Ward which states “Share what you’re working out in real time, not just what you’ve perfected. People don’t only need your conclusions, they need to see you in motion, reaching, trying and fumbling toward the thing.”
In November of this year, I will have been creating content for 10 years. I started out my ‘MyKenyanPuff’ in 2015 on Instagram and YouTube; a platform I created to share haircare content that would be more relatable for a Kenyan audience. Fascinated by the science behind care, more than the aesthetics, I shared updates on my hair journey, tips for building hair regimens and product recommendations. As the “youngest hair content creator in Kenya” at one point, I would occasionally receive free products to review and it was a very exciting time for me. I prided myself in reviewing and promoting Kenyan haircare lines in the early years and prioritising purchasing from black-owned brands first and foremost.
Somewhere along the way, I became uncomfortable with the consumerist culture within the beauty industry. I was a self-proclaimed ‘product junkie’ who had too many hair products to even test out before they would expire. I dialled back on my product purchases and talked about my simplified hair and skincare routines. Over time and exposure to loved ones who care deeply about climate change I started reflecting on where my consumption falls with a sustainability lens. I started including the “sustainability” criteria in my skincare product reviews; Is the packaging sustainable? Does the company mention anything about recycling? Are their ingredients reef-safe? I was inspired by the likes of Lia Yoo who founded Krave Beauty and walked us through these considerations while building her company. Even with this added filter, I grew concerned about whether I was/am contributing to overconsumption by sharing product reviews.
I also started talking about financial wellness which was ,and remains, a fascinating area of interest for me. I shared whatever I was learning in real time about saving and investing online including formal courses that I took. During this time, I struggled with the questions around the bigger picture around money. How do I navigate surviving under capitalism while gaining a deeper understanding of and aligning more with anticapitalist sentiments? What does that mean for how I talk about money on and off the internet? Do I need to be a voice in the financial “niche” if these lines feel blurry? So I stepped away from the finance content altogether. Then I got microlocs and all I was using was shampoo and rosewater. My considerations around hair products were out of the window. I continued to share skincare reviews, though few and far between. I could still provide product recommendations to 1 on 1 clients with all types of hair because I had tried so many products over the years and learnt a bit about how to read ingredients lists to know if a product would be suitable for them.
I started to evaluate other areas of overconsumption in my life including clothing and books. Having access to well stocked libraries changed my relationship with book purchases. I was also able to afford audiobook subscriptions which meant only purchasing books that I knew I want(ed) in my forever library. As for clothes, a huge inspiration was and continues to be Leena Norms, who shares her journey of moving away from fast fashion to sustainable style. I talked about purchasing items secondhand and not mentioning fast fashion brands on my platform.
I have felt the need to stretch my definition of what it means for a brand to be sustainable and ethical. Being ‘Kenyan’’, black-owned’ or ‘ independent’, is not enough if their labour practices are questionable. Are their employees fairly paid with good working conditions? Do they exploit the farmers from whom they source their raw materials? How can I access this information when it comes to smaller local brands? Do I just have to trust the creator behind the brand? Who does this creator work with? Are they ethical brands?
When I look at the list of brands to boycott for a free Palestine, it includes 90% of brand partnerships I see when I scroll on Instagram. It also includes many companies I have spent my money on over the last few years knowingly and unknowingly.
I worry about publicly claiming to care about sustainability, communal living and abolition when I still make decisions that are imperfect;
I am still a consumer and I cannot confidently say that all the beauty products I own are sustainable.
I take more Ubers than I would like to, because it is more convenient than relying on unpredictable bus schedules.
I am not always present when disposing of products in the bin to increase the chances that they are recycled correctly.
While I have shopped for clothes second hand or from sustainable brands almost exclusively for last 2-3 years, I have still purchased household items and gifts from companies that have questionable practices.
I have still purchased new electronics while internally proclaiming “Free Congo”.
I still have a meat heavy diet with no certainty that it is sourced from farms with humane practices.
I cancelled my Amazon Prime subscription but I still have a Spotify account, knowing that it exploits artists.
I am concerned about where my money goes but what does that means from where I put my savings and investments? Do I want to own shares in mega corporations that I know are problematic for the sake of having a good nest-egg when I retire? How do I think about and talk about finances with all this in mind?
I worry about sociopolitical state of the world but I am still uneducated on global history and current affairs.
How do I exist online while making sense of all of this?
Having a platform, no matter how big, requires a level of responsibility. I want to shake off the fear of making mistakes and hope that navigating all of this in community with others is worthwhile.